6 Questions to Ask Your Partner About Money

Research shows that money is a topic of serious contention in relationships, and some studies even suggest that disagreements about finances are the primary source of romantic conflict. So, how do you protect your relationship from money woes?

As with most relationship issues, there is no clear answer, but you can start with an open conversation. We’ve developed the following list of questions you can ask your partner to kickstart the conversation and begin navigating your finances together.

1. What is your current financial picture?

The first piece of information you need to get from your partner is their current financial position. Asking for this information isn’t meant to open either of you to judgement, but instead to lay all the cards on the table so you can move forward together.

Start this conversation by discussing your current income, assets, and debts. You may find it helpful to organize this information in a spreadsheet or table to visualize your financial position.

Fortunately, you don’t have to start from scratch when organizing your financial picture. Instead, you can use the form below to download our helpful “snapshot” that covers the most common types of assets and debts you should discuss. As a bonus, it also includes a worksheet you can use to organize your financial goals.

2. What do we need our money to accomplish?

This question moves your conversation beyond just numbers to delve into your dreams and priorities. Maybe you plan to buy a home, start a family, or travel the world. You could also prioritize achieving an early retirement, contributing to charity, or supporting your extended family.

Some of your financial goals might be short-term, like saving for a vacation next year. Others are long-term, like funding a comfortable retirement in several decades. A clear understanding of your priorities and your partner’s helps you both commit to the sacrifices and strategies needed to reach these goals.

3. How did your parents handle money?

Whether your parents were savers, spenders, or somewhere in between, their financial habits influenced your own. An open conversation about these early experiences can uncover deeply ingrained beliefs and behaviors that might otherwise go unaddressed.

Some parents discuss money openly, while others consider it a taboo topic. Likewise, some families live paycheck to paycheck, while others have a robust savings plan. These dynamics can shed light on your partner’s financial philosophy.

For example, if one partner grew up in a household with little savings, they might be more inclined to spend freely. On the other hand, a partner from a more frugal background might be more conservative.

An understanding of these foundational differences allows you to approach financial discussions with empathy rather than judgment. It’s not about blaming past influences but understanding your foundation so you can build a new, shared financial culture.

4. How do you feel about risk and investing?

Investing is a cornerstone of building long-term wealth, especially when preparing for retirement. However, everyone has a different comfort level with risk. One partner might be eager to embrace higher-growth, higher-risk investments, while the other might prefer a more conservative approach.

Discuss your individual risk tolerance. Some people are comfortable with market fluctuations in exchange for the potential of greater returns, while others may prioritize stability and capital preservation. It’s crucial to find a balance between these approaches to risk that allows both of you to sleep soundly.

This discussion is about finding a harmonious investment strategy that aligns with your combined financial goals and comfort levels. An experienced financial advisor can help you navigate these topics and craft a portfolio that suits your shared risk profile.

5. Who will handle the bills and budget?

Even if you combine finances, someone still needs to pay the bills and track the budget.
A clear understanding of responsibilities for each expense helps to prevent missed payments and unnecessary stress.

You might decide to divide responsibilities based on strengths. Perhaps one of you is more detail-oriented and enjoys tracking expenses, while the other is better at long-term financial planning. Alternatively, you might decide to tackle these tasks together with a weekly money meeting to review your financial situation.

The key is to establish a system that works for both of you and ensures nothing falls through the cracks. Keep in mind that both partners should remain aware of the overall financial picture regardless of who takes the lead in budgeting.

6. How should we settle disagreements about money?

Even the most compatible couples will disagree, and money is often the reason. A plan for resolving financial conflicts before they arise can prevent arguments from escalating and damaging your relationship.

To get ahead of this issue, discuss how you will approach financial disagreements. You may choose to take a break and revisit the topic later or commit to “agree to disagree” on certain minor points. You should also seek advice from a trusted financial professional for major decisions.

As you approach the topic of future disagreements, consider creating a set of “money ground rules” for when conflicts arise. These might include:

• No blaming: Focus on the problem, not the person.
• Active listening: Truly hear your partner’s perspective.
• Compromise: Be willing to find a middle ground.
• Seek outside help: If you’re stuck, a financial advisor or even a couples’ therapist can mediate.

The goal of these ground rules isn’t to eliminate disagreements, but to develop healthy strategies for navigating them constructively.

Talking about money with your partner might feel uncomfortable at first, but these conversations are essential for building a strong, secure future together. By addressing these six questions, you build trust, understanding, and a shared vision for your life.

Discuss Your Answers with Brookstone Wealth Management

At Brookstone Wealth Management, our team can help you understand your own feelings toward money, and how they align with your partner’s. We focus on coaching, teaching, and mentoring clients as they tackle life’s biggest financial challenges.

Our approach to financial planning centers around a comprehensive wealth management program called Financial Fingerprint®. This nimble plan brings together the most important aspects of your financial life into one easy to understand plan.

To learn more and get started, contact us today.